Do you ever hear something that you just have to write down, because it resonates with you so deeply?
It could be from a song on the radio, or a line from a movie, or a TV show (which in this case, it was).
It happened to me a few months ago when I was watching Gilmore Girls. Babette, Rory and Lorelai’s next door neighbor, gives Rory consolation after hearing about a break-up of hers. The consolation wasn’t completely relevant to Rory, since it assumed Rory had lost herself in her previous relationship, which she did not. I, on the other hand, could wholeheartedly relate to Babette’s words, which is why I wrote them down! (And later, typed them up, in an effort to reduce clutter.)
Curious what the quote is? Well, here it is:
“Hard being ‘you’ when you got your morals, standards, and your good common sense, and then bam! You meet some guy and that goes all out the window…
For every good woman, there’s a dirty little wolf just waiting to lead her astray. You can’t help it, he’s got the eyes, the chin, the chest hair…I mean what’s a woman to do, we’re not made of steal for G-d’s sakes…
…And don’t be embarrassed toots, this has happened to all of us.”
Gilmore Girls S2:22
While I have mostly gotten over the pain and heartbreak from previous unhealthy relationships in which I was “led astray,” because a part of me wanted to be and I was naïve and able to be seduced, I still have not completely healed the emotional wounds from these dating/faux relationship experiences. Heck, the truth is, I don’t even think I am mostly over the pain, I would say it’s more like 50:50, where my soul and subconscious are still chewing it over, while the conscious sting of it has worn off.
But being in an unhealthy relationship, believe it or not, may not have been the worst way I was suffering. The isolation that I felt from being in these relationships was also very difficult for me. It helped perpetuate a cycle of: unhealthy relationship -> shame -> feeling unworthy -> unhealthy relationship…
So there I was, several years after having experienced my more intense unhealthy dating experiences, passionately writing down the dating advice Babette was giving Rory. I honestly felt at that very moment, that Babette was in fact consoling me. Her words so directly relating to my past circumstances. My heart holding the pain of all my past experiences and Babette’s words showering over it with warm, healing light.
It felt like my soul received a hug. It’s ok Gila. You are ok, Gila. “It’s happened to all of us.”
For the first time, I could forgive myself in a way that I could not before.
If you can relate to this, if you have ever found yourself in a situation (dating or otherwise) in which you felt great shame afterward, do NOT feel alone. And do NOT take it as a reflection of your worth and who you are. After all, “It’s happened to all of us.”