It’s fascinating how one’s body reflects one’s emotions; how one’s mental state of mind can be manifested physically. It’s fascinating. And in my case, it’s also painful.
I tend to push myself hard. I pushed myself too hard with core exercises a couple days ago, after noticing BUT ignoring the slight pain I was having from wearing the baby carrier while taking my daughter on a walk. So for the past 36 hours I have been experiencing back pain, reminiscent of the kind I sulked about in First Comes Self-Love, Then Comes Marriage—well that time it lasted more than a year so I had a lot to sulk about!
The point is, I wish I had been more mindful and a bit more gentle with myself on Tuesday evening when I was doing my core exercises. And I wish I hadn’t been putting so much pressure on myself regarding my recent return to jogging once a week—fearing that if I miss one jog I will gain weight and/or my stomach will get bigger.
Most of all, I wish the mental record playing in my mind wasn’t so critical these days. Before pushing myself harder than I should have on the mat, I was berating myself for my current professional frustrations. So my core mat exercises were my way of giving myself that push of confidence that I was doing great after all—except I needed that confidence boost so badly that I let it dictate how hard I exercised—instead of listening to my body’s cues and paying attention to how it felt and whether or not I was holding my breath (that can also be an indicator of going too far in an exercise.)
Yesterday, I felt a little better so I took my baby daughter on a walk in the baby carrier again. Today, I feel worse, so I am going to have to respect my limitations and not push myself too far.
I just hope self-compassion and patience wins over.
These are not two of my greatest attributes.