Yesterday I deposited a check at the bank and did each step painstakingly to make sure it went through. It’s a simple process, but sometimes the simple things are harder for me, since I have issues trusting that things are really supposed to go smoothly. It gives me a sense of control if my hard work appears to be resulting in the desired endpoint rather than achieving such endpoint with ease. I can even deposited a check remotely over my phone the previous week—proving how technology does most of the work—but I still wanted to think that it was my action not the power of technology that was most important.
On a related note, I wonder what G-d, as it were, is thinking. Here he has digitalized the world, made it easier for us. Paying bills, depositing checks, etc, take so much less time than they used to. I wonder if his hope was that we would use this time as a gift to be still and grateful for all that we have. To spend more time thinking about spiritual and existential topics, since we have been somewhat freed up physically. But instead I find that this space has been filled with anxiety, stress, and depression.
Oh, but if I could achieve a calmer mind which would let me appreciate those gifts in time.