This morning I was thinking more about how I crave positive feedback (See previous blog, A Few Words Provide Big Encouragement) and how really what I need is to acknowledge myself. I closed my eyes and thought of how I want to help people find clarity and hope when things are tough. I thought about my desire to heal, to restore, to help. With my eyes shut, I placed my palms together at my chest and whispered, “I see you.”
The funny thing about low self-worth is that we think more Facebook likes, more public acknowledgement, will make us feel more whole, better about ourselves, but really if we are craving these things, they can’t fill the hole that is inside our heart.
I know what I need. I need to meditate on this thought of seeing myself for whom I wish to be, for whom I strive to be, for whom I have been becoming over the years. Like many meditations I will likely practice this once or twice and then move on, get distracted, find something else to focus my mind on. But I am going to try this, nonetheless.
There is a voice taunting me, telling me I am NOT able to reach people, I DO NOT have worthy thoughts to share with others, I CANNOT be the teacher/mentor that I so aspire to be.
This voice knows exactly what my dreams are, and swiftly dashes them.
This voice knows me so well and is focused on destroying specifically what I most want to build.
This voice is my yetzer hara (evil inclination).
It has run my life, run my mind.
But through active and avid meditation as well as positive affirmations I can bathe my mind and soul in love. I can create a current of positivity to counteract the rushing waters of my evil inclination, which seeks to discourage me and take me down.