I wasn’t feeling well. My stomach was super sensitive so I ate very simply and drank ginger ale all day (similar to the BRAT diet). I noticed that while I missed the strength and bravado that I usually had while playing with the children, I did not miss the strength of my negative self-talk. My body’s strength was ebbing, my ego thus weakened, and my negative self-talk subsided as well. I was more agreeable to what my co-worker did. I simply did not care, since I didn’t have the strength to care. The desire for things to work out in the way I envision them was not as strong, my judgmental thoughts about how she did things were much less present. Thus, feelings of aggravation were much subsided. Unlike other days, today I wanted to be in the background, rather than assert my views, since I wanted to preserve the little energy that I had.
I found it fascinating that my self-talk was impacted this way. Then I was reminded of religious fast days, when there is a similar waning of the ego. We refrain from eating in order to give less prominence to our physical selves, which includes our body, as well as our ego. We focus on our spiritual selves, on personal growth. Religious fast days are meant to inspire deeper humility and introspection and less assertion of personal wants and desires.