When my dad suddenly passed away when I was 21, I was devastated. But I was also shocked and in denial, and these two were the more pronounced reactions. I didn’t have a container to hold the devastation. Just as happiness needs a container to hold.a space for it in our lives, so too devastation.
What? How? And Whyyyyyyyyy?
I had nowhere to put my grief.
Years later, I would find writing as well as mindfulness practices to be a container for my grief.
But at the time, I didn’t have one, so I couldn’t really flesh out any of it. And so, I pressed on, led my life on the path that I had already been on—emotionally, professionally—cuz I didn’t know I needed something else, and I surely didn’t know how to attain whatever that something else was.
A week or so after the passing of my father, I had this internal recognition that as shocked and devastated as I was, I was put here on this earth to experience this very event. I thought to myself, ‘G-d gave me this event, he sees me as someone who could learn things from this, who could share it with others.’ It felt really intentional, really direct. Not that I was the only one to have lost a parent. But I was surely one of the first. My life was turned upside down. I was filled with the strangest of mixtures of devastation and feeling like I was finding one of my callings in life.
And here I am, sixteen years later, continuing to write about the importance of creativity and self-expression, having a container to hold our grief, the role of mindfulness in grief and healing.
Sixteen years after this devastating trampling of my heart, and I continue to find much solace and meaning in writing about trauma and grief. In reaching out to others to create vital conversations, it impacts not only others’ healing processes, but mine as well. There are so many types of emotional pain I cannot speak to. And every one of us has a unique set of circumstances and unique responses, and all the responses are right! And when it comes to the trauma I do know more about, it’s not to say I have an answer, surely I do not! I just create a space for the conversation to be had. And I feel that in connecting with others in this way, rather than feeling lost and isolated, we can all be there for each other, as we wade through the challenging times of life. Together. Not alone.
Latest release, Inner Piece: Decluttering a Soul, available here.