Looking back, I’ve oft-resented the guys I dated for not seeing all my talents. For belittling me. For thinking of me as just a fresh piece of meat who could please them.
But I suppose it’s not their fault.
That is how I presented myself.
And it is how I saw myself. In that situation. And in general. So much of my life I have felt two-dimensional, not appreciating my whole self.
How can others embrace the Wholeness of who I am
if I do not?
If I cannot?
People treat us the way we treat ourselves.
People view us the way we view ourselves.
This past couple of months, I’ve been coming into my own. Not doing anything new or different, per se, just being more aware of what I bring to the table.
Diving deeper into the life experiences I’ve accumulated in the last 30 odd years. (It’s a lifelong process, y’all!)
I’m realizing that guys didn’t think less of me. They just didn’t know me. They only saw a sliver of me.
But I took their lack of interest as a message that I was flawed. That I was deficient.
When really, they simply didn’t see me for who I was. Heck, I didn’t even understand myself yet.
And like I said, if I don’t understand myself, and embrace myself, how can someone else?
It takes time to learn about the complexity of people.
I mean it took me 30 + years to gain an appreciation for what I do and who I am and how I am.
Looking back, how the hell was some guy supposed to deeply value me after knowing me for just a couple of weeks?
I can regret the past. Cry about how f***ed up everything was in my twenties.
Or I can learn the lessons and do what I can to put my best, firmest foot forward as I continue on my path.
Or I can do both!
I choose both!
Like I said previously, to cry is to heal 😉