Diva in Disguise

Diva in Disguise
You watched as I headed to(ward) 
my demise

The tears would have filled my eyes
If I knew but HOW to cry

You told me I took up 
too much space
Singed into my soul
I can't erase

Don't make Trouble
Make sure you fit—

in—
I surely wasn't born to win

For every time I needed space
You said "Be Careful" 
Just in Case

That I would step on someone's toes
Or other body parts—
Who knows

So now I'm living out my woes
30 years in—and man, it shows

Whenever I move something that isn't mine
Whenever I assert my needs larger than a dime

It isn't wrong, it's not illicit
So why does it feel like I'm complicit

in a most malevalent, 
malicious act

That the shame I feel
isn't fiction, but fact

Maybe I'm meant to take up space
Maybe I'm not s'posed to erase

my inner voice, my deeper yearnings
All this suppression has become concerning

For you, your safety was in your small, 
But I'm not feeling that AT ALL

The smaller I get, the less I succeed
The deeper the hole, the stronger the need

To break out of my shell
And live as a whole

And what you think
No longer concerns me at all

Cuz I have no further down I can fall
One more step, and I won't exist at all

Maybe you needed preservation,
Play it safe, have reservation

But this tactic doesn't work for me
I must lead a life of glee

The alternative ain't serenity
and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy—

Eternal Damnation of the Soul

I wanted something more—
and now I want it all