Not This Time

Emptiness sets in
Fear of being left begins
 
All the good feels
What’s the big deal
 
It can be taken away in an instant
I’m anything but invince
– able
 
I’m crying so hard inside
But my eyes, they stay dry
 
No matter how much I try
I can’t kick the habit
 
How do I feel safe
How can I win a competitiveless race
 
When will I get into the headspace
When all my fears and traumas have been erased
 
Dreaming about the impossible
Walking around volatile
 
On the eggshells of my soul
My wounded soul
 
What if I were to be so bold
To separate my trials from my soul’s gold
 
Identification
It’s abrasive
 
Bird’s Eye view says it’s all good
On the ground, I dream I could
 
Release the shackles of my mind
Relentlessly cruel and anything but kind
 

Now I told you, You can’t stay
You’re about to walk away
 
Follow my self-fulfilling prophec-ay
What’s more lovable? Toxic fungi
 
Leave me alone
I’m still finding my home
 
I can’t handle the stress
Of trying to impress
 
This dress is just a layer
And so is my skin
 
There’s no way I can let you in
There’s too much fear and dread
 
First I let you in my head
Then I let you in my pants
 
Perfect Romance
Breeds the most tragic dance
 
Toward the hell that is my mind
A bigger chocolate cake I cannot find
 
And  glass of wine, or maybe two
There’s really nothing else I can do
 
I feel like I deserve the pleasure
But commitment is a different measure
 
Of my worth
Of which there is a dearth
 
Did I mention I’m in therapy
For self-worth?