Not This Time

Emptiness sets in
Fear of being left begins

All the good feels
What’s the big deal

It can be taken away in an instant
I’m anything but invince
– able

I’m crying so hard inside
But my eyes, they stay dry

No matter how much I try
I can’t kick the habit

How do I feel safe
How can I win a competitiveless race

When will I get into the headspace
When all my fears and traumas have been erased

Dreaming about the impossible
Walking around volatile

On the eggshells of my soul
My wounded soul

What if I were to be so bold
To separate my trials from my soul’s gold

It’s abrasive

Bird’s Eye view says it’s all good
On the ground, I dream I could

Release the shackles of my mind
Relentlessly cruel and anything but kind

Now I told you, You can’t stay
You’re about to walk away

Follow my self-fulfilling prophec-ay
What’s more lovable? Toxic fungi

Leave me alone
I’m still finding my home

I can’t handle the stress
Of trying to impress

This dress is just a layer
And so is my skin

There’s no way I can let you in
There’s too much fear and dread

First I let you in my head
Then I let you in my pants

Perfect Romance
Breeds the most tragic dance

Toward the hell that is my mind
A bigger chocolate cake I cannot find

And glass of wine, or maybe two
There’s really nothing else I can do

I feel like I deserve the pleasure
But commitment is a different measure

Of my worth
Of which there is a dearth

Did I mention I’m in therapy
For self-worth?

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