The girl who danced her ass off to R&B music this morning Is the same girl who is pensively journaling on her tried and true picnic blanket this afternoon Is the same girl who finds these different aspects in opposition to each other Is the same girl who wonders why the complexity of a human … Continue reading That Same Girl
I put the water bottle in her room so she wouldn’t ask for it at 3 am like the night before. I thought I had it made. “I’m gonna sleep like a baby tonight!” Nope. Faint words began to interrupt my dream. Moments later, I’m up. She didn’t need more water this time, she needed … Continue reading Good Morning! Wait, What?! It’s 3 am!
I wake up everyday with this sort of amnesia. Thoughts running through my mind. To-do lists draped across my heart. I am bewildered, beset by concerns. It’s not as if I have conquered my previous 35 years of life’s challenges-—some minor, some more severe. That track record is nowhere to be found. And so, every … Continue reading Stumbling Through
Dear Inner Critic,Sorry I’m not always perfectBut I’m not the shmuck you paint me asI am strong I am braveI have survived a lot of shitRemember that time my cousin got killed by a fuckin’ volcano?Or how about that time my dad suddenly collapsed and went unconscious and I never got to speak to him … Continue reading Dear Inner Critic
Some things move fast in life—like my car, or the internet. The internet also exposes me to other people’s lives and makes me wonder to the tune of the John Mayer song, “Am I living it right?” For example, I’d love to be a well-known author some day. Years ago, most people’s works became more … Continue reading Immediate Gratification and the Meaning of Life
Even visual art is movement. Looking at the trees with their colorful leaves glistening under the light of the sun, I am filled with awe. I stop dead in my tracks. I wonder, is this what painter’s feel? A desire to capture nature’s beauty? To commune with it deeply as they “recreate” it on paper? … Continue reading Art as Movement
Some people find shelter in religion. A place of safety from the big bad world. Comfort from the chaos. But I find it suffocating. To different degrees, at different points in my life. In the beginning, I didn't even realize consciously how difficult it made my life. One could say, I would have struggled with … Continue reading Religion is an Opiate?
Unrequited Care You didn't know I was there I stood in the corner and watched Just stared All the things I wish I did All the thoughts I all but hid You thought I was nice But I was just a pleaser You thought I was loyal But I was really a non-believer No faith … Continue reading Stepping Toward Myself
Tonight into tomorrow will mark 15 years after my father’s sudden passing. Even before he passed away, my whole life I struggled with low self-esteem. But I covered it up with good grades and people pleasing. Well, the illusion of control shattered in my senior year of college when I got the call from my … Continue reading Be YOU
When I chase after my mind, my heart races. Writing lists is helpful but also can be overwhelming when lists get long and disorganized and making calendar tables is way more helpful and efficient. I used to keep up with life in a linear way. But it always stressed me out. And then when my … Continue reading Mindful Musings