Unrequited Care
You didn't know I was there
I stood in the corner and watched
Just stared
All the things I wish I did
All the thoughts I all but hid
You thought I was nice
But I was just a pleaser
You thought I was loyal
But I was really a non-believer
No faith in myself
Only the other
My whole worth hinging on
Whether we had each other
I remembered your birthday, your favorite color
You remembered my name sounded something like Gula
If I wasn't there you wouldn't have noticed
You were my everything and I was so hopeless
In the sidelines
I sided with you
I watched every move
Everything you did do
For I was in awe
You had such a passion
Everything you touched turned to gold
Everyone you spoke with was laughin'
If only I could have such charisma
If only my power would shine like yours
But I'm on the sidelines
You don't even know me
I could disappear
And it wouldn't matter
Not to you, not to them,
Would continue the same chatter
While I silently stand and promise myself
That I'm packing my bags and leaving for help
I can no longer live with others who don't care
I can no longer invest in something not ACTUALLY there
So long and farewell,
Our relationship dies
For I never felt safe when I looked in your eyes
What reflected back was your power, never my own
And so continued my eternal groan
I'll never be like that,
That could never be me
But deep inside,
I so wished it would be
I can't go on like this,
I simply can't
My energy's drained
It's way more than scant
I'm disappearing forever
But not from myself
I hope on my journey
I find someone else
Someone who loves me
Just as I am
Someone who cheers for ME on the sidelines
"I know that you can!"
I know I feel small now,
Like I'm a nothing
But a spark in my heart
Tells me I'm on to something
That maybe the girl that's alone
That I hate
Has Her own little Secret
That makes her real great
So instead of leaving all that I know
I'll take a baby step forward and be open to grow
Be open to finding out what makes me tick
Be open to understanding why I always loved pricks
Maybe it's the confidence, the inspired awe
Maybe it's totally different and not that at all
But who'm I to say,
I haven't yet started
This journey of mine,
Only now I've departed
Bon Voyage to me
Don't know where I'm going
But out of this shithole
This pain I've been knowing
For if I stay, I will continue to wilt
To wallow in suffering, in shame and in guilt
And that wouldn't last,
And it wouldn't end well
So I'm choosing a new direction
And I bid you Fairwell!
Latest release: Pandemic Poetry. Also by Gila: She Pooped, I'm Pooped!: Motherhood Year One,
First Comes Self-Love, Then Comes Marriage, and The Roadmap Ends Here: Entering Adulthood.
View all posts by Gila Daman