I recently started watching the Sex/Life Netflix series. Soon after completing Inner Piece: Decluttering a Soul, which I recently released, I got to writing my next book, which is my second book about love relationships. (First Comes Self-Love, Then Comes Marriage was the the first one, released in 2017. More information in my blog’s books tab.)
That book is still in process, but the Sex/Life series brought up topics I address in that manuscript, and I thus feel it appropriate to discuss them here now.
When Cooper finds out about Billie’s past and wants to relive those things with her, that is not love. That is jealousy and control.
He shouldn’t have known about that stuff, she was right not to tell him when they were dating. She honored her biographical boundaries. She didn’t need someone who accepted her for her messy past. That’s her job to work through it and accept herself.
Obviously keeping a journal about her past in plain sight for Cooper to find out was dumb/done for the show’s entertainment.
But once he did read and find about it, his response to repeat those actions was for the above reasons—jealousy and control—wanting her to be just his. It wasn’t about her, it was about him.
Also, as a related aside, you can see how he treated her kinda coldly and didn’t value her and give her attention in the beginning of the series. The show didn’t talk about that enough.
Like her professor says later, sex is not just about sex. From the start of the show, Cooper didn’t validate Billie/appreciate her for all her parts. He saw her as a beautiful housewife, the amazing mother of his children, and he had been fine having her leave her PhD program to do so.
That’s why their marriage broke down, she wasn’t being true to her whole self. And he didn’t create a supportive space to encourage her to, and she started feeling that emptiness.
Their lack of sexual connection was due to that.
We see that illustrated better later in the series. But I want to highlight it here, since it’s such a crucial point. She didn’t fill herself with another guy. She filled herself with her own wholeness.